Yes, you are. Then again, so am I. I like it, too. :)
Adrian Wapcaplet: Aah, come in, come in, Mr....Simpson. Aaah, welcome to Mousebat, Follicle, Goosecreature, Ampersand, Spong, Wapcaplet, Looseliver, Vendetta and Prang! Mr. Simpson: Thank you. Wapcaplet: Do sit down--my name's Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet... Mr. Simpson: how'd'y'do. Wapcaplet: Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson... French, is it? S: No. W: Aah. Now, I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder. S: String. W: String, washing powder, what's the difference. We can sell *anything*. S: Good. Well I have this large quantity of string, a hundred and twenty-two thousand *miles* of it to be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I advertised it-- W: Of course! A national campaign. Useful stuff, string, no trouble there. S: Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the hundred and twenty-two thousand miles is in three inch lengths. So it's not very useful. W: Well, that's our selling point! "SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL STRINGETTES!" S: What? W: "THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!" S: For what? W: "A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!" S: Such as? W: Uhmm...Tying up very small parcels, attatching notes to pigeons' legs, uh, destroying household pests... S: Destroying household pests?! How? W: Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if they're smaller than, you flog them to death with it! S: Well *surely*!.... W: "DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED, RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!" S: 'Ospitals!?!?!?!!? W: Have you ever in a Hospital where they didn't have string? S: No, but it's only *string*! W: ONLY STRING?! It's everything! It's...it's waterproof! S: No it isn't! W: All right, it's water resistant then! S: It isn't! W: All right, it's water absorbent! It's...Super Absorbent String! "ABSORB WATER TODAY WITH SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL WATER ABSORB-A-TEX STRINGETTES! AWAY WITH FLOODS!" S: You just said it was waterproof! W: "AWAY WITH THE DULL DRUDGERY OF WORKADAY TIDAL WAVES! USE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL FLOOD PREVENTERS!" S: You're mad! W: Shut up, shut up, shut up! Sex, sex sex, must get sex into it. Wait, I see a television commercial- There's this nude woman in a bath holding a bit of your string. That's great, great, but we need a doctor, got to have a medical opinion. There's a nude woman in a bath with a doctor--that's too sexy. Put an archbishop there watching them, that'll take the curse off it. Now, we need children and animals. There's two kids admiring the string, and a dog admiring the archbishop who's blessing the string. Uhh...international flavor's missing...make the archbishop Greek Orthodox. Why not Archbishop Macarios? No, no, he's dead... nevermind, we'll get his brother, it'll be cheaper... So, there's this nude woman....
Owner: Ah, hungry! Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles! Owner: Come again? Customer: I want to buy some cheese.
Customer: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it? Owner: Finest in the district! Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please. Owner: Well, it's so clean, sir! Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2008-07-16 03:46 pm (UTC)Adrian Wapcaplet: Aah, come in, come in, Mr....Simpson. Aaah, welcome to
Mousebat, Follicle, Goosecreature, Ampersand, Spong, Wapcaplet, Looseliver,
Vendetta and Prang!
Mr. Simpson: Thank you.
Wapcaplet: Do sit down--my name's Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet...
Mr. Simpson: how'd'y'do.
Wapcaplet: Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson... French, is it?
S: No.
W: Aah. Now, I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder.
S: String.
W: String, washing powder, what's the difference. We can sell *anything*.
S: Good. Well I have this large quantity of string, a hundred and twenty-two
thousand *miles* of it to be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I
advertised it--
W: Of course! A national campaign. Useful stuff, string, no trouble there.
S: Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the hundred and
twenty-two thousand miles is in three inch lengths. So it's not very useful.
W: Well, that's our selling point!
"SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL STRINGETTES!"
S: What?
W: "THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR
STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!"
S: For what?
W: "A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!"
S: Such as?
W: Uhmm...Tying up very small parcels, attatching notes to pigeons' legs, uh,
destroying household pests...
S: Destroying household pests?! How?
W: Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if
they're smaller than, you flog them to death with it!
S: Well *surely*!....
W: "DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED,
RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR
STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!"
S: 'Ospitals!?!?!?!!?
W: Have you ever in a Hospital where they didn't have string?
S: No, but it's only *string*!
W: ONLY STRING?! It's everything! It's...it's waterproof!
S: No it isn't!
W: All right, it's water resistant then!
S: It isn't!
W: All right, it's water absorbent! It's...Super Absorbent String!
"ABSORB WATER TODAY WITH SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL WATER ABSORB-A-TEX STRINGETTES! AWAY WITH FLOODS!"
S: You just said it was waterproof!
W: "AWAY WITH THE DULL DRUDGERY OF WORKADAY TIDAL WAVES! USE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL FLOOD PREVENTERS!"
S: You're mad!
W: Shut up, shut up, shut up! Sex, sex sex, must get sex into it. Wait,
I see a television commercial-
There's this nude woman in a bath holding a bit of your string. That's
great, great, but we need a doctor, got to have a medical opinion.
There's a nude woman in a bath with a doctor--that's too sexy. Put an
archbishop there watching them, that'll take the curse off it. Now, we
need children and animals.
There's two kids admiring the string, and a dog admiring the archbishop
who's blessing the string. Uhh...international flavor's missing...make the
archbishop Greek Orthodox. Why not Archbishop Macarios? No, no, he's
dead... nevermind, we'll get his brother, it'll be cheaper... So, there's
this nude woman....
no subject
Date: 2008-07-16 03:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-17 03:30 am (UTC)Possibly my favorite sketch.
It's that or the Cheese Shop.
hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 04:08 am (UTC)Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!
Owner: Come again?
Customer: I want to buy some cheese.
Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 04:14 am (UTC)Owner: Yes, sir.
Customer: Really?
(pause)
Owner: No. Not really, sir.
Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 04:35 am (UTC)Owner: Finest in the district!
Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Owner: Well, it's so clean, sir!
Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....
Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 08:02 pm (UTC)Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 08:04 pm (UTC)<- is on the verge of laughing uncontrollably
Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 08:06 pm (UTC)this is like the Pulp Fiction version of the Cheese Shop Sketch, eh? All crossing timelines and stuff
Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 08:08 pm (UTC)Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 08:10 pm (UTC)*WHIPLASH*
Date: 2008-07-17 08:11 pm (UTC)Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 07:54 pm (UTC)Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 07:53 pm (UTC)oh, I like it runny...
Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 07:58 pm (UTC)Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 08:00 pm (UTC)Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 08:02 pm (UTC)~giggling in anticipation~
Re: hehehe
Date: 2008-07-17 08:04 pm (UTC)*falls off chair, giggling*
HEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEE!
Date: 2008-07-17 08:06 pm (UTC)Re: HEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEE!
Date: 2008-07-17 08:07 pm (UTC)Re: HEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEE!
Date: 2008-07-17 08:09 pm (UTC)Re: HEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEE!
Date: 2008-07-17 08:11 pm (UTC)Re: HEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEE!
Date: 2008-07-17 08:13 pm (UTC)~dies laughing~
Re: HEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEE!
Date: 2008-07-17 08:25 pm (UTC)my laptop has started randomly turning itself off. This could affect the humour quotient of this otherwise incredibly funny repartee.
Re: HEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEE!
Date: 2008-07-17 08:26 pm (UTC)s'okay. we're entering the quiet part of the sketch...
Re: HEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEE!
Date: 2008-07-17 08:27 pm (UTC)Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
Re: HEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEE!
Date: 2008-07-17 08:29 pm (UTC)Japanese Sage Darby?
No, sir.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-16 03:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-17 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-17 08:05 pm (UTC):-)
no subject
Date: 2008-07-17 08:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-18 02:51 am (UTC)