These assonances are the building blocks of good poetry. I'd go with that rather than the line arrangement. Learning to use assonance is important; though it is not noticed consciously as much as alliteration, it is appreciated more, though people seldom know why they liked it. That may have to do with the ludicrous variety of ways we write the same vowel sounds, leaving people failing to notice the audible effect because their eyes are deceived.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 07:10 am (UTC)eludes this soul
at home
the coffee, sullen in the cup
glares in outrage
not bitter
but soured
the water here
defies even heavy filtering
and taints my favourite brew
but oh, the pipes at work
so old they colour water
and clog the kettle filter up
with rust
so when I can tolerate no more
the metallic taste
of chemically distilled felkegarb
There is always
my secret stash
of finely ground beans
my cafetiere
and - evian
no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 07:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 07:10 am (UTC)(Sadly, not Espresso)
no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 07:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 07:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 11:13 am (UTC)liquid drip
These assonances are the building blocks of good poetry. I'd go with that rather than the line arrangement. Learning to use assonance is important; though it is not noticed consciously as much as alliteration, it is appreciated more, though people seldom know why they liked it. That may have to do with the ludicrous variety of ways we write the same vowel sounds, leaving people failing to notice the audible effect because their eyes are deceived.